At least we’ve average….

In between my last diabetes post and this one,  things have gone down-hill, then more down-hill, then an even keel and perhaps finally we are on an upward swing with Sarah’s diabetes.  Can I just take a moment to say how rotten and horrible and down-right annoying diabetes is?   It is!  It’s a royal pain in the you-know-what and we will never get used to it and I don’t think we ever should get used to it.   And now I shall do my best to sum up the situation.

Back in November Sarah and I went to the hospital for a clinic/pump training day, and there we found her A1C’s had gone up a whole percentage.   This wasn’t great news – when they test your A1C ‘s they are checking the percentage of hemoglobin that is covered in sugar – and this gives them an over-all picture of how well you have managed your diabetes in the past three months.   And this test showed that Sarah’s percentage had gone up significantly and now was higher than they would like it to be.   It was upsetting because it’s means that I’m not doing a great job managing her diabetes – and it also means we were a statistic.  It’s a researched fact that when diabetics start using an insulin pump their blood sugar control starts out great, and their A1C’s tend to come down (that’s good) but by the end of a year – and that’s where we were at – people’s control over their diabetes tends to wane a bit and they typically end up back to where they were before the pump with higher A1C’s again (not good).   I think this is generally contributed to complacency, people just ride the wave of initial good control and stop paying attending.   So I went home kinda down and frustrated, but on the other hand determined to do better.

But things weren’t getting better and I was finding that I was getting frustrated with Sarah because she didn’t seem to care at all and certainly wasn’t doing things that were helping the situation.  And how do you try to tell a 8-year-old that there will be long-term consequences for their actions?   In my frustration I called a friend, and I’m so grateful that God has provided me with her.  Her daughter has had diabetes for over 10 years and so she is no stranger to all the ups and downs on dealing with this frustrating disease.  And guess what the first thing she told me I had  to stop doing was?   Well get this, she told me to stop feeling sorry for Sarah.

I had to stop feeling sorry for Sarah????

But of course I felt sorry for Sarah!   Jason and I feel very sorry that our healthy daughter was stricken with a disease for no known reason, and we feel sorry that she has to live with it and endure and the poking and prodding and it really upsets me just to think about what could happen to her if we aren’t diligent all of the time.   However, I could see what my friend meant.   Unknowing I was communicating my sympathy to Sarah and it wasn’t helping her, in fact it was hindering her.  Because I was feeling sorry for her, she was feeling sorry for herself, she only saw her diabetes as something bad and something that wasn’t fair.   And because of this I don’t think either of us were properly viewing it as something to be managed well – it was just a burden.   And I think that I was trying to shield Sarah from it – which meant that she felt she had no responsibility and no consequences.

It shook me to realize  that I wasn’t viewing it correctly –  and that it stemmed from me not realizing that God could have a purpose in this.  Jason and I had a clear understanding that God had a purpose for Ava’s life, and we completely accepted how that turned out.  But for some reason I could never see how diabetes could bring God glory.   But my friend went on to say that God did give diabetes to Sarah – it is His refining fire in her life,  He is going to use it for His glory and I shouldn’t feel sorry that God has allowed this to happen, just the opposite!  Of course God brings difficult things into our lives, but whining and complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves doesn’t accomplish God’s purpose, how could it?  But if we can see Sarah’s diabetes as something from His hand, to develop perseverance and faithfulness and to please Him by remaining under it, that’s the only place that we can find true joy in something so miserable as type 1 diabetes.

So after asking forgiveness I changed my perceptive and instead of having a good cry with Sarah about her diabetes,  we had a talk about how God allowed this for her and it was going to make her stronger and it was exciting to think of how God was going to use this in her life.  And it helped!   Her attitude towards it has changed (for the most part) and now she cares what her blood glucose levels are, and that’s great.   We still have our cries, it’s not easy living with this disease, but I’m happy to say through our tears I can remind her that God has a purpose,  and that has been wonderful.

And I wish I could say that at our next clinic visit at the end of January her A1C’s went down and all was well – but that wasn’t the case.  They stayed the same in spite of our hard work and it was incredible frustrating!  Grrr…stupid diabetes!  But the kind doctor told me that even though they would like her A1C’s to be lower,  we are right at the pediatric national average.   So we aren’t doing a great job or a bad job, we are just completely average :)    But things are starting to look up!   Last Sunday I shared with my small group our frustration with Sarah’s diabetes and I know they have been praying for us because these past four days we seem to be in a better groove and her daily numbers are coming down (that’s good) and I’m so grateful that we have a loving heavenly Father who although allows all these trials and difficulties in our lives, He never ever leaves us or forsakes us.  Not ever.

Amen.

 Be strong and courageous…. for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”  Deut 31:6

P.S.   I just gotta tack this on to this post… with the rise of Type 2 diabetes, it’s not unnatural for people to get confused between the two diseases, but they are completely different and I’m learning to be gracious when people try to give us good advice, or ask if Sarah can eat something (she can eat everything!!)  Here’s a really cute type 1 diabetes rant…

 

Nailed it

I am very aware of all my failures in life, they are too numerous to count.  But on the bright side some of my failures make me laugh and hence should be shared.  Take this for example, Sarah’s birthday cake… if I was going to try to make it as beautiful as Martha Stewart’s vanilla cake, then I can definitely say I nailed it.  lol

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Isn’t it just beautiful in all it’s sloppy glory?   I think I’ve known since I was 10 that you shouldn’t ice a warm cake, and that is especially true if you want to ice it with a concoction of pudding and whipped cream, which I found out apparently just melts on a warm cake.    Will I ever learn?   But it did taste good, so I suppose it redeemed itself.

So yes, Sarah did turn 8 a few weeks ago and it was fun to celebrate with her and appreciate her for all her gifts and abilities.  And just because you are 8 doesn’t mean that hair-brushing is a priority in life –  I mean really – it’s such an insignificant thing.  Maybe it will be a priority when she is 15?   Good thing she can clean a bathroom, sew and do lots of other thing really well to make up for it.

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And if that cake I made for Sarah’s birthday looked scumptious, then I’m sure you’ll appreciate this concoction…

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“Since when do chicked-peas, boiled eggs, peas, beets, avocado, blueberries and pears belong together in a blender?”, you might ask.    Especially as they were soon joined by joined by yogurt, milk and olive oil.   And since I can tell you that yes, they were blended together your next question might be,  “Who in the world would eat that mixture?”

Well this sweet little person would…

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Remember our little friend Aleeda who we met at Sick Kids?  She received a heart transplant July 2013 and is doing so well.  She came home from the hospital with a g-tube, and she was being primarily fed by that, but rather than push formula into her tube, her mom Tania opted instead to make her real food blends “purees” that mimic the nutrition in a formula supplement.  These are so much better tolerated, as in when Tania pulled the formula and started feeding purees to Aleeda, she stopped puking every day.    And Aleeda has thrived on them and since her g-tube was pulled will actually eat them orally, smart little girl.  I got to help Tania and made a few batches of them for the freezer,  but Aleeda is doing so well that she is almost eating all real food now.  It’s so wonderful to see her progress, I find it just amazing.

Alleeda and her sister Britton came to play with us one day while their mom was at the hospital with their new twin sisters.  My girl’s love Aleeda and her sister Britton , we just don’t see enough of them…

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And since Sophia is the baby of our family now,  it’s good for her to spend time with children younger than her,  I’m afraid that Sophia enjoys being our baby a little too much, but I can hardly blame her.

And now it’s Valentine’s day today and winter trudges on.  Thank goodness I can kick the kids outside to enjoy the snow…

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So I can enjoy some peace and quiet haha.      I do try to enjoy the winter as well, but more often than not it seems I’m enjoying it inside by drinking coffee and looking out the window.  I just venture out to take the pictures.

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Like this one of the moon… see, you need winter for pictures like this.

So even though my cakes aren’t winning any awards and winter is still here with a vengeance, we feel so blessed on this Valentines day to have a loving family and friends to enjoy it all with.

God is good!

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35 

Amen!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God at Work

God is always at work, it’s  a fact.  And I know that Jason and I are always so encouraged to hear how God is moving in other’s lives, and so glad that our church, Harvest Bible Chapel will often will take the time to have people share their stories in front of our church.   At the end of November Jason and I had the opportunity to get in front and share our story.  That was an emotional and a pretty big deal for us, but we felt compelled to tell of God’s faithfulness even through Ava’s death, and on the whole I think it went well.   We both broke down towards the end both times (we shared in both services) but it was joy to be able to say that we could still praise God for his faithfulness even through our story didn’t have a happy ending.   When it goes online I will definitely share the link of the video.

Now today I going to share another link, one to a brand new Harvest Newsletter done through our church.

I’m a little biased towards this newsletter because I had the opportunity to submit an article for it.   I’m writing a 3 part series on our Ava story and the first one is called  “Peace Amid Turmoil”   It was a huge honour to be able to contribute, not to mention it was my first time working with a editor.  That was an experience that I first found a little tough (someone is actually critiquing my writing!!!!)  but in the end I found it very insightful and helpful.

Here’s the link!   God at Work Magazine

In other news,  I wish I could say that writing the article has been the reason I haven’t been blogging, but the truth is, well the truth is I just haven’t blogged, shame on me!   But I can fill in some blanks to say that we had a great Christmas.  Here’s a pic that I may have taken in the New Year right before we took down the tree…

 

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Our family really loves Christmas and its great to have a break from school and we enjoyed all our time spent with family and friends over the holidays.  We always make lots of great memories and this year we may have started a few new traditions.   The first was that we went and got our Christmas tree on Ava’s birthday which made the day special for the kids.   And then about a week later we made a trip to Toronto – just to revisit some of the places that hold the most memories of Ava for us.   We went and saw the staff who were so good to us at the Ronald MacDonald house, and saw many of our beloved nurses at SickKids.  It’s kinda funny because I know my kids would move back into the Ronald MacDonald House in a heart-beat and I think that is  a huge testament to the great job they are doing there.    I would love us to make a special visit to Toronto every December to be reminded of Ava and also to remember how good God was to us during that time.

And now it’s January and we keep moving ahead.  Lots of things are happening and we keep praising God for the fact that He is always at work and will always be faithful.

Amen!

 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

 

 

 

 

Can’t wait to show you…

Ava’s gravestone!    Today we are celebrating Ava Day – our sweet little Birdy’s birthday;  she would have been 2 years old today!  It’s funny when I think about just how different life would be right now if Ava had been born healthy  – or if she had managed to get a heart and was doing well.   How different and marvelous it would be to have a little 2-year-old running around right now!

But that is not our story and we can be thankful that she is where she is.   We are glad we have this day to remember her, for her sweet smiles in spite of the pain and for how much we loved her and treasured every moment we had with her.

And here is her stone which we are so pleased with, it turned out exactly as I hoped…


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And here are the kids with it…

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You can’t really see it in the picture,  but the kids hand prints are in the foundation of Ava’s stone.   It was Jason’s idea and I love it.  I love it because the kid’s hand prints are on Ava’s coffin that Jason made and we want them to feel a part of this whole thing as much as possible.  You can see them clearly here before the stone was installed…

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And here they are showing off their hand-prints…

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Another thing that is a little tough to see if the photos is the verse on the bottom of Ava’s stone.  It’s her verse, Psalm 73:26…

 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

All I can say to than is AMEN.

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We can’t wait to see you again Ava!

Mama Pancreas

November is Diabetes awareness month!   I should have posted this last Friday on World Diabetes Day, but I’m not that organized.    Now perhaps I should have named this post ‘Mamma and Papa Pancreas';  but as I’m with Sarah all day, every day now–I really do feel like I can safely call myself Mama Pancreas without stepping on Jason’s toes.

Sometimes, actually lots of times, quite often really,  I tend to forget just how much Type 1 Diabetes has changed our lives,  and more importantly how it has changed Sarah’s life.  And this is the part that makes me what to stop and have a little cry for my daughter who needs insulin pumped into her around the clock, who wears an electronic device 24/7, and who can’t remember what it’s like to go a whole day without pricking her finger at least 5 or 6 times.   I know she would love to just go back to those days where she could just eat something, anything, without having to stop and think about how many carbs it is and then tell her pump that number so that she gets enough insulin to cover that food.   To not have to endure a site change every three days, where we freeze a little patch of skin on her tummy, and then insert another infusion site into her, and then have to put up with the rashes from the medical tape and spots on her tummy from previous sites that hopefully one day will fade.

Whew…. diabetes is not fun.  But we do have lots to be thankful for still, yes even in this.   First of; it’s a great day-in-age to have diabetes because they seem to be getting closer and closer to a cure – or at least effective work-arounds all the time.   So that is exciting.   And to be able to wear a pump and have the control that we have over Sarah’s blood sugar is wonderful too – even if it does mean I get the privilege of checking her blood sugar before I go to bed and sometimes even in the middle of the night.

And I’m so thankful that Sarah is who she is–a strong brave girl who doesn’t let diabetes get her down.   She swam all summer long, and was in and out of the lake and pool like a fish.  She plays hard outside and inside and it hasn’t stopped her from doing anything she wants to do.    Once in a while she breaks down a little and we have a little cry together over it, but then she’s off again.   And her insulin pump that she started wearing last year at the end of January has been wonderful and her A1C’s (a test they use to look at blood sugar levels over the past three months)  have been really good, so that is encouraging.  I try so hard not to get frustrated with myself and with her when she eats something and we forget to bolus and her sugar gets out of whack.   But really,  there doesn’t seem to be much of a point to strive for perfection with blood sugar control because even things like her getting really upset can affect her  levels.   It is what it is.   It’s a treatable manageable disease that God has allowed into our lives for His purpose and His glory and we accept it — sometimes rail heavily against it but I know that God understands that we still feel pain even when accepting His will.

Maybe things like this are put into our lives to make us look forward to heaven more… no diabetes in heaven, hurrah!   I’m just thankful that we have Sarah and that she is healthy and that we get to enjoy everyday with our precious daughter who is growing up so fast!!!

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And I love the way she doesn’t care that her pump is out there for the world to see,  in fact I think it’s great.

Here’s this verse AGAIN that we can cling too;  I can’t get enough of it…

 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  Romans 8:18

Heaven is going to make all this so worth it!

Amen.

What we’ve been up too…

And here I was, planning to get back to blogging and do it regularly, but as this post is almost two months later, that clearly didn’t happen.  But what did happen was that we had a great summer with our family and friends which ended way to quickly.   And then… well I hinted at this a long time ago, but this fall we made a huge decision for our family going forward,  we started homeschooling!!!!   Yes folks, it’s true, we decided to pull our children out of the public school system and start teaching them at home, it’s kinda exciting.  And that probably explains why I haven’t had much time to breathe, let alone blog.

It’s been about 6 weeks and I can cautiously say it’s going well… although I can pretty much guarantee this won’t be a blog where you come to for homeschooling advice.  Rather, we are likely to be the blog that other homeschoolers visit so that they can feel good about themselves… haha    But we are creating a daily routine for ourselves and things do seem to be getting learned so that’s good.   I’m cutting them some slack right now because I KNOW without a doubt that none of my children would have ever flung a math book across the room at school, but at home that can seem like a good thing to do.   I guess trying to set up structure and routine in a place where you feel the most comfortable isn’t the easiest.  But we are persevering.

And the kids are doing really good, and seem to be enjoy being at home.   They really like the fact that if they hunker down and get their work done, it leaves them more time to do what they want to do.  And I like that we can tailor their education to each of their strength’s and weaknesses…  which also means we have to work around my strengths and weaknesses.  Weaknesses in the plural.  Homeschooling is humbling, it really is.

On a lighter note,  I want to take this moment to brag that our William came in 2nd in his cross country meet last week, way to go William!

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He couldn’t run in the Public School’s Cross Country meet this year, but ran in the Christian school meet instead.   There was still a large crowd and Jason thinks there were over 75 boys in his race, maybe more, so we were really very proud that he did so well.  I’m not sure where he got his speed from, maybe from his dad, but it certainly is fun to watch.

I wish I had been able to be there, but as it happens  I was in Toronto at SickKids that day.   I had been asked by the PACT team if I would come and speak at a seminar they were holding on palliative care, and I was very honoured and so said yes.  My mom came to be our substitute teacher for the day, and my dad came with me to Toronto.  I thought that I might cry too much or take too long, but praise God, it all went well.  There was a question period afterwards and I really enjoyed that, the students of the course asked me questions and one of the Dr’s on the team sat with me and facilitated as well as asked me more questions, and I just thought it was a really neat experience.   Not only was I pleased to give back to SickKids in this way, but I was able to see lots of our 4D staff, and one of our nurses from the CCU, as well as some members of the PACT team I hadn’t seen since last August.  Going back to SickKids is always bitter-sweet – but going there makes me feel close to Ava so it’s all good.  Jason and the kids wished that they could have joined me, so we are hoping to go back again soon.

As far as the other kids and what they are up too… Sarah is doing pretty good with her diabetes and her pump – she actually deserves a whole blog post for an update which I will do next.  And Sophia is just her happy sunny self… although lately it seems that she is fed up with being the youngest child.  She is taking to heart every time she doesn’t get to do something or feels left out – it’s tough being five years old.   Erik is programming his heart out  – which means he is still doing things that befuddle me completely so that’s good I think.   Jason is keeping busy as always and I am so thankful for such a wonderful supportive husband who takes such good care of us all.

I wish I had some recent pictures to show you, but I’ve been terrible and haven’t been taking pictures lately, so I will have to leave you with some that we took during our vacation in August.  These first three are pics of us sending off Chinese lanterns to remember our sweet little Birdy.  Jason found them for us and we loved sending them off… they were beautiful and it felt very fitting…

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And here are the four turkeys all together…

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So that’s what we’ve been up too in a nutshell.   We are so thankful for all of our blessings and God’s mercy towards us… it’s amazing.

Ephesians 3:20  Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think,according to the power at work within us,
21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

 

We miss you Birdy

Ava Samantha Grace Colley

December 4, 2012 – August 15, 2013

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We love you so much our sweet little Birdy, and can’t wait to see you again in heaven some day.

Love mom & dad, Erik, William, Sarah & Sophia

Psalm 73:26     My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

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Ava’s Life Slideshow (change the quality for better pictures)

To Honour our Nurses….

These past couple of days I just keeping thinking about all of the nurses and staff at SickKids – and the ones we met a few times at Children’s Hospital in London too.   We are eternally grateful for the care they showed Ava and our family and for the compassionate and brave way they supported our family through her death.

I was trying to find the words to acknowledge all the things their job involves when I stumbled upon this… an article written by a SickKids nurse that was published in the Star.    She was very kind and gave me her permission to reprint it here.

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By Jacqueline Hanley

I’ve had a few moments at work, recently, that really made me think about what it means to be a paediatric nurse. I was reflecting on a particular patient and I wondered, when I got home and my husband asked me, “How was your day?”, how could I possibly ever share with him what it was really like? How could I share the conversation I had that day with a six-year-old, mature beyond her years? Or the feeling I had when she told me she hates her scars? Or how weary I felt at the end of the day, a day that wasn’t even particularly busy?

I wish that when asked how my day was, I knew how to give a truthful answer.

I wish I could really express what a shift is like, and know I would be understood.

If I really answered truthfully, I might start off with how many times I saw a child smile. I might tell you about the tears I wiped. I could tell stories about the kids I made laugh. I could tell you about the kids I made cry.

I might tell you about the parents I consoled, reassured, encouraged.

I might tell you about the family that thanked me, and the family that pushed me away.

I might tell you how many times I grew frustrated. Or how many times I felt annoyed. I might tell you about how many times I thought my headache couldn’t get any worse.

I might tell you how I taught a new nurse and how I learned from an old colleague.

I might tell you about the stickers I stuck, the pages I coloured and the teddy bears I tucked into bed.

I could tell you about the call bells that rang, the IV pumps that beeped, the monitors that alarmed.

I could tell you all about the blood product reactions, the worrisome fluid balances, or the child who was fine and, then, suddenly, wasn’t.

I could tell you how many gloves I put on, basins I emptied and faces I wiped.

I could tell you about the tricks I use to sneak in an assessment on a three-year-old; the games we play so they will take their meds, and how, in order to auscultate a five-year-old’s chest, I have to pretend I’m listening for monsters.

If I were to tell you what my day was like, I might tell you that my hands will always feel sticky from hand sanitizer, and no matter how much I wash, “that smell” won’t seem to go away.

I could tell you how funny it is to hear a two-year-old say “stethoscope,” and how heart-breaking it is to hear a child whisper, “I just want to go home.”

I might tell you that today I heard a child’s first word. Or saw his first steps. Or watched a preemie finish her first whole bottle. I might tell you about the father who fed her, who took this small victory as a sign of hope.

I might tell you how the bravest person I know is an eight-year-old. Or the happiest person I know is a two-year-old with a medical history as old as she is.

I might tell you about a moment of joy, shared with a family, a patient, a colleague.

I might tell you how many times I felt my heart break.

I can tell you about the steps I walked, the hands I held, the songs I sang to put them to sleep.

If I could really talk about how my day was, I might tell you about the decisions I made, the priorities I set. Or about my “nurse’s intuition” that told me when I should start being concerned.

I could tell you about the orders I questioned. The orders I should have questioned. The split-second decision I made. The carefully calculated words I chose.

I could tell you how I fought for my patient. I could tell you how my patient fought me.

I could talk about how I taught a parent to be the nurse to their child that they never wanted to have to be.

I could tell you how that parent taught me about hope.

I could tell you about the moments of panic. The moments of empowered confidence. How smoothly our team functioned. How resourceful we can be.

I’d want to tell you about the breaths we gave, the lives we saved, the lives we couldn’t save.

I might share with you those moments when I just didn’t know what to say. Or the times I realized there was nothing I could say.

I could tell you how often we see a child and family suffering and think that maybe enough is enough. I could tell you about all the times we think that everything will never be enough. I would struggle to tell you how hard it is to say goodbye; I’d have a harder time telling you how sometimes saying goodbye can be a relief.

I might tell you how many times I thought, “This isn’t easy.”

I could tell you about the times I feared that when I decide to have children, that they might not be healthy. I could tell you about how every time I have that thought, I wonder how my husband and I would cope; would we be like the families I meet here every day? How would we make it through?

I could tell you how hard it is to be a paediatric nurse. I could tell you how rewarding it is. I could tell you how I know I probably won’t spend my career at the bedside, but how much I know I’ll miss the bedside when I finally walk away.

I could talk about these things, if I thought I might be understood.

Instead, I’ll say, “It was good,” with a smile; “I’m tired,” with a yawn.

At the end of the day, being a nurse is one of the hardest things I’ve ever chosen to do. It challenges me. It inspires me. It exhausts me. It empowers me. I love it.

It may sound clichéd, but when I’m tired and worn, I try to remember these things. And I try to gather the strength and bravery of that eight-year-old, and the happiness of that two-year-old.

And maybe next time, when someone asks, “How was your day?”, I’ll smile, and yawn, and say, “It was . . . indescribable.”

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It makes me cry every time I read it…. partly because I know that even though it’s not easy caring for children and their families, our nurses did their jobs so well.  No nurse on 4D was ever unkind to us and when I wasn’t able to be with Ava, they were there for her and filled in those gaps.

But it also makes me cry, because they knew and understood that last year at this time enough was really enough.   And because they knew all that Ava had endured, they could truly understand the relief there was at finally being able to let Ava go so that she wouldn’t suffer anymore.

So for everything they did for Ava and our family they will forever be in our hearts and I’ll always have hugs for them whenever I see them.

God bless you our nurses!

 

Homesick

Wow, it’s me… I’m back.   It’s been a long while,  almost two months, but I think I”m ready to start again.    I do want to thank everyone who sent me a kind word about continuing to blog back in the spring.   Back when I wasn’t sure I was going to continue, it was encouraging to know that there were those of you who still enjoyed reading what I had to say, even when I felt that nothing in our lives seemed worthy of blogging about.

Lately I’ve been composing blog posts in my head so I knew that it was time to start writing again, for better or for worse. :)

Here’s a quick catch-up on what we’ve been up to… let’s see,

End of June and the last day of school.   I love this pic… Sophia is crying because she was going to miss her teachers and Will is just happy…

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June 28 Erik had a birthday and turned 11 on us.  Here he is all excited about power packs that he received that he wanted to use to power his…

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Raspberry Pi.  It’s Erik’s computer that occupies him for hours and hours.  He ordered more parts for it with his birthday money and was thrilled, as we all were of course. :)

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He’s such a neat kid even if he is a computer nerd.  I’m now come to grips with the fact my eleven year old son is smarter that me.  But it’s actually turning out to be quite handy, so I don’t mind.

OK – so moving on.  Summer vacation… we’ve spent lots of lazy mornings at the cottage…

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See how Sophia smiled so sweetly for me and Sarah’s like “Whatever mom”?

And the boys spent lots of nights fishing with Jay &  grandpa at the cottage – and actually catching fish this year… woohoo!!!

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I’ve kept the kids busy this summer working as my ‘minions’… here they are painting a new desk for Erik’s room…

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They did a pretty good job actually.  And we’re even raising a few monarchs again this year, courtesy of our butterfly garden we planted years ago.

This beauty emerged just yesterday…

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This in on top of swimming, riding bikes and playing with friends.  There is never a dull moment.

And then last week we celebrated my birthday.  Sophia asked me if I was turning 24 or 93… I only wish and hahahahaha.   But it was strange, for most of the day I just felt homesick…- homesick for Toronto – where we were living last year.

I spent the day missing the nurses & other friends at Sick Kids that made me smile and laugh as well as listened to me when I needed to talk.   I missed the time I had just to sit and pray and drink coffee.  I missed the Ronald MacDonald House and walking through the hot concrete jungle that is Toronto in the summer.  And I missed my precious baby Ava… and I wished I knew then that I only had a few more weeks here with her on this earth.  And the strange thing about my homesickness is that things weren’t all rosy last year at this time.  Ava was definitely struggling and the chickenpox scandal had gripped the Ronald MacDonald House (someone’s child broke out in chicken pox and they locked down the house for weeks and weeks, so no programs for the kids or dinners) so Jason and the kids were spending a lot of  time away from Toronto and I was alone with our sick baby.    And  it was all very tough.  But like I said, this week I missed it all.. the good and the bad because it meant Ava.  We all miss her so very much.

But Jason and I also still know that it’s still all good and Ava is exactly where she should be.  We are honored that we had the privilege of being her parents for as long we did and in two weeks when we mark the day that she died – August 15th – we know it will be tough, very tough.   But once again we can just marvel at God’s amazing grace and how He was so faithful and brought us through our Ava journey with our hearts broken, but in other ways, still fully intact, resting in His peace and love.

As I was writing this I was thinking about how life really is so fleeting… and this verse came to mind….

Psalm 103: 15 – 18

As for man, his days are like grass;
    he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
    and its place knows it no more.
17 But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
    and his righteousness to children’s children,
18 to those who keep his covenant
    and remember to do his commandments.

Ava was our sweet little Birdy, who came and flew away so quickly – but I am so grateful to God for the gift that she was for as long as we had her.

Thank you Lord, and give her a kiss from me.

Amen.

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Half of a decade

Five whole years ago, this little girl joined our family…

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Yes, it’s true, at the end of May Sophia turned 5!     And over this winter she made the final transformation from little one to little girl.  Jason and I are almost sad that our baby Sophia has completely disappeared and been replaced by our little girl Sophie.

This little Sophie who loves all things pretty and would wear a ‘beautiful dress’ every day if she could.  She hates cleaning up with a passion, but can play with any child of any age or gender and have a great time.    She has the most wonderful put-on baby voice that any parent would be proud their child possessed, but is also capable of  intelligent thought and we’ve enjoyed many conversation with her over the past while.

She is the perfect youngest child and her siblings all love her except when she’s driving them crazy, and in short she’s a joy and a gift from God and we are so blessed to have her in our lives.

Happy 5th Birthday Sophie!

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Psalm 127:3  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.