Today is the 6 month anniversary of our sweet baby Ava’s death… we’ve been without her for half of a year and I find it really hard. I’ve said it before, but the more time that passes just makes me feel like I’m getting further and further away from her… it’s like I’m leaving her behind and putting more and more miles between us, and I don’t like it. It’s been six months since I held her and kissed her and told her that I loved her. Six months since we had 5 children and 6 months since we had to say good-bye to someone who we loved so very much. And it’s tough, it really is.
But in this grieving process there are still so many things we are thankful for. First off, we are thankful that people are still praying for us – even though its been six months and we don’t update often. When people tell me they are still praying we feel so blessed that people have not forgotten us and that God is still laying us on people’s hearts. Another thing I’m thankful for is just how busy our life is with four kids (no matter how much I complain). In my life there isn’t often time to just sit and think about how much I miss Ava. Lying in bed before we go to sleep is often when it hits Jay and I, but this long winter has tired me out and it’s not often I can stay awake for more than a minute or so, praise God for that. :)
And we know that we were fortunate that we were able to do quite a bit of our grieving before we lost Ava. The actual truth is that we started grieving before she was born. We always had a strong hope that she would beat the odds and make it – but because we almost lost her a few times before she died, it forced us to take a look at what our future would look like without her. It’s like we were able to practice grieving… and those times were incredibly painful, but it did help prepare us. And because of that, we know that we are grieving in a complete different way than those who suddenly lose someone they love. It’s just that for both I’m sure the end result is the same… living with the memories of a person you long for, and missing them like crazy.
I miss my Birdy… I really do.
Oh that God gave us that precious gift, but only for such a short short time. Having Ava taught us so much about God’s goodness to us and His incredible faithfulness that if I ever doubt God again I hope someone smacks me… hard. And there is the promise that God used this time in our lives for His glory and to strengthen our faith and bring us closer to Him. We also know that it made us more aware of the suffering of others and I hope God will continue to keep using these lessons learned in our lives as long as we are here on earth.
Here’s another wonderful promise….
1 Peter 5:10&11 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
Praise God for His promises…. Amen!