What a roller coaster ride…

So life here really is like riding an emotional roller-coaster.  There can be such ups and downs and I won’t lie, it’s very tough and emotionally draining and that might be why I just ate a ton of chocolate … chocolate is very very very good.

And of course, the timing of these roller-coaster rides is always bang on,  it seems to get you when you are already tired and wound up.        See we were visiting Ava last night around 9:00 pm and happily chatting with her nurse, when all of a sudden the baby next to us went into cardiac arrest.   Our nurse ran to this baby’s side, the room filled up with people and I just started praying like crazy, but as those parents started to sob, we left and didn’t end up being able to go back and see Ava again for the night.

That was a horrible experience.   We were pretty shaken up.  Thankfully that baby was OK, didn’t die and after talking to her parents today they said that they think think she had a blood clot since she had just had surgery yesterday.   Thankfully she was able to be stabilized and has had a fairly calm day today.

But it meant we started today perhaps a little more keyed up then usual.

And then of course I posted about how they were going in to remove Ava’s stent that was keeping her chest open and hopefully close her chest up.

And they did close her chest.  For about 20 minutes.

Then they came and told us they had to open it again.   She wasn’t tolerating the close, her heart rate had climbed and wouldn’t come down so they had to open it again.

Now we are back to square one and it’s disappointing.

I guess I like to think of my baby as so strong, and she is.  But she is also very fragile.   And it’s hard to understand God’s timing today when the close seemed like an answer to prayer, but then that wasn’t what He had in mind after-all… and for a minute or so I wonder why He allows these things that seem so amazing and then aren’t.   But then even as I’m typing this is what came to mind… a verse from Isaiah…

Isaiah 55:8-9

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

So a day like today doesn’t make any sense to me, but we can still trust God in this, we can!    I’m thinking in my own human terms,  but God has his own plan for Ava, we just don’t know what it is.

Here is another verse from Ephesians that’s my prayer…

Ephesians 3:20,21 

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

To God be the glory, a baby’s chest closed today or not.


6 thoughts on “What a roller coaster ride…

  1. Oh, Lisa, you are certainly experiencing a massive roller coaster ride, the mama in me gets all teary eyed and my heart just groans for you. God is working through you, thanks for being so candid and letting us all go through this with you guys. It is so evident that He has a plan and that you are abiding.. we will continue to pray for peace in your hearts with all that the Father is doing, in His time. Like Dwight said ‘we’re so glad to see that little Ava is stronger than Dwight and Jason put together’ 🙂 Love you guys!

  2. Continuing to pray and remembering you daily… Strength be with you and a peace that transcends all understanding. May you have eyes to see God’s hand at work, and patience when His will seems unclear. Hang in there.

  3. Reading your blog makes me feel just a bit of what you must be feeling. Of course, I’m not there and little Ava is not my flesh and blood but you are our dear friends and we stand with you in prayer and support. I love that Ephesians verse Lisa and I’m praying that for you guys. That God will do EXCEEDINGLY more than you ask or think! Love you!

  4. Oh little Ava! You are such a strong little girl! You are already loved by so many of us!! Your parents are incredible people with a strong faith who haven’t left your side. We are all cheering you on and praying for you constantly!! May you feel wrapped up warm and cozy in HIS arms tonight!! xo The Mitchell’s

  5. Although we have not been in contact because we were unaware of this blog till Jake told us we have been in prayer for you. Reading all this Information we cannot fathom the struggles you have been going through. We see the great faith you have and the strong witness you are. You are in our prayer and we believe that the Lord will bless you richley. Keep looking up. Jeanette and Pieter Schinkelshoek

  6. Jason and Lisa
    We are lifting you up in prayer and admire God’s strength shining through you. I’m praying for you to have peace in all of this as I can’t imagine the “roller coaster”

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