He will never fail….

Well it’s pretty amazing, but Ava has been feeling a lot better the past two days.   And she has been losing some weight – which is fabulous as she has some water-weight to lose, and her liver is smaller than it has been in weeks.   And that of course is a good sign because it means that she isn’t so congested with fluid.      But she was being a turkey yesterday, because she seemed to be the happiest when I wasn’t there.   Three times yesterday she was happy and smiling at the nurses when I wasn’t with her… and I’m with her most of the time.  Apparently I need to get to the hospital around 7:00 am, not go for lunch at all, and stay till after 8:00 pm…  oh dear. 🙂

But thankfully today I did get some smiles out of her, and it just makes my heart so happy to see her happy.   She still doesn’t look as good as she did a month ago, but she’s still here and she still can smile and we’ll take it with thankful hearts.   And I’ve been able to cuddle her again!    When Ava doesn’t feel good she doesn’t like to be held,  she just arches her back when I pick her up and wants to be put down again, and so for the past while I’ve been starved for snuggle time.     But last night since she was feeling better, I took her out of her bouncy chair as she was falling asleep, and she snuggled down in my arms and it was just so wonderful to be able to hold her again.    This afternoon when I took her for a walk around the unit (her huge IV pole in tow) she actually cuddled right into my shoulder and she hasn’t done that in ages and it’s a sure sign that she is feeling a little better.   Isn’t God good?

And so we are truly grateful.    And I’m glad to have something to be thankful for,  because lately I just can’t help but think about how much our family is missing out with our baby in the hospital.   Sure the kids are having fun doing things they normally wouldn’t have a chance to do, but we aren’t home, and I long to be home.   We would have had so much fun this summer with a healthy 7 month old,  Ava would have loved the pool and the kids would have had so much fun playing with her… and I feel like Ava’s babyhood is slipping away.   And not only that, but because she is so weak, even though she is almost 8 months old, developmentally Ava is probably on par with a 3 month old in terms of physically ability.   If a new heart comes we will have a lot of work to do catching up, but I guess that’s the least of our worries right now.

But I have to stop myself from feeling too bad for us, because I’m learning, self-pity doesn’t get you very far.    And when I start looking down,  I tend to forget to look up, and I need to keep looking up and keeping putting my faith and trust in God.  He does know what He is doing and He has a plan.  In fact,  a friend sent me a text the other day and I’m going to share it with you… I get teary every time I read it…

Do not despair
God is always good
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living
I know that you have a future and hope for me, 
and I know that you work all things for good to those who love you.
I will NOT despair God, you are always good.
Psalm 27:13-14  
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living!
 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!

(thanks Isabel!)

So instead of feeling sorry for myself and my family (which is so tempting!!!!!)  I think I will choose instead to be thankful and to trust a great God.    And there are lots of things to be thankful for… for friends and family who are doing such an amazing job supporting us through prayers, words and physical means.   For a place to stay, for a great hospital… for being able to be together as family and an amazing God who will never ever fail us.

Please pray that I would continue to choose to look up… lately it’s become more of a battle,  maybe because I’ve been alone now for a few days and without Jay and the kids here I’m more prone to feel sad.    That and I feel like journey is starting to wear me out!!    But even when my heart is weak, my mind knows that strength comes from the Lord and if I keep choosing to trust, He will never fail.    He will never fail.

Amen.

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5 thoughts on “He will never fail….

  1. Hi Lisa!
    I wanted to say that you have been encouraging me lately – and thank you for that. I recently heard a message the other day about “Exhaustion – It can happen to even the greats”… it was talking about Elijah and how he was at the “end of his rope” and couldn’t work or think straight anymore.. frustrated with even the little things.. (I Kings 19).
    The biggest verse that came to mind for you and Jason though is this:
    And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before Jehovah. And behold, Jehovah passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before Jehovah: Jehovah was not in the wind. And after the wind, an earthquake: Jehovah was not in the earthquake.
    … And after the earthquake, a fire: Jehovah was not in the fire.

    And after the fire, a soft gentle voice.

    I’m thinking that “cuddle time” is the soft and gentle voice that God is speaking to you to say “Yes – I am here – and will ALWAYS be here for you”.

    May your time with Ava, Sarah and the rest of your riff-raff be amazing as well as soul-touching… it seems that is what encourages us the most… and your thoughts and constant encouraging are what makes yearn for better things for you and the family too.

    We love you all wholeheartedly… let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

  2. Lisa….it is very, very hard to wait. Something that I read….” Trust His heart. God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So when you don’t understand, when you don’t see His plan, when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.” – Babbie Mason
    You are all always in my prayers. Lifting you up.
    God’s peace

  3. Hi Lisa,
    someone wise once told me that you need to doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs. She told us a story of an eagle who had been hurt and rescued by a farmer, and raised with her chickens. The eagle was pecking along on the ground eating with the chickens, a strange sight to see. Someone came in to help the famer re-habilitate the bird into the wild. He took the eagle out and showed him what he was really made for. He was made to fly. So when you get pecking at your troubles and life get you down, remember who you are. You’re an eagle, and you were made to fly.
    Isaiah 40: 25-31
    To whom then will you compare me,
    that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
    26 Lift up your eyes on high and see:
    who created these?
    He who brings out their host by number,
    calling them all by name,
    by the greatness of his might,
    and because he is strong in power
    not one is missing.

    Why do you say, O Jacob,
    and speak, O Israel,
    “My way is hidden from the Lord,
    and my right is disregarded by my God”?
    28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
    The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
    He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
    29 He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
    30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
    31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
    they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.

  4. Thanks for this update Lisa.

    Love your transparency and continual reminders to look to the Lord in and through this. We continue to pray for Ava and your entire family. Praying for a new heart. God is able.

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