So thankful

Well I’m sitting here thankful for quite a few things.  First off, for all the support and love that people have sent our way through emails and comments on our blogs the last couple of days… you guys are making me weep (in good ways) – and reminding us over and over that God has not forgotten about us, He’s still laying Ava and our family on your hearts – and even your little one’s hearts –  and so even today when I don’t seem to have much hope in hearing good news tomorrow, we know that God still cares and is being so faithful.

And the verses that you guys are sending!!!  Love them!   Here is one that a friend sent… with her note

Romans 15: 13 May the God who gives hope fill you with great joy.
                               May you have perfect peace as you trust in him.
May the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope.
(this is from the NIV bible for young readers…so simple isn’t it?)

It is simple, so simple, but exactly right and just what we need right now,  joy, perfect peace and hope…. all free gifts of God to those who believe in Him and call on His name.  We are so blessed by God even in this crazy situation.

So yes, the situation.   Ava’s echo tomorrow is going to be a sedated echo, so she will be NPO (nothing passes orally) starting from 4:00 am to get her ready for sedation for 9:00.  It is going to be a very thorough echo, they are going to leave no blood vessel unscanned as they seek to discern whether or not Ava’s heart function has improved at all.

As the doctor on rounds said today, if her heart function looks better, we will redo the cath.  If it’s not better, or if it is worse then….  He just stopped talking.  He didn’t need to continue, we both knew what he meant.  It means we need to think about transplant.

But that is still tomorrow’s worries, so I won’t borrow trouble.

I am thankful that my mom could come down and spend a night with me and spend time with Ava.   I’m grateful that the Ronald MacDonald House got us an apartment and that my mom could help me move in and that Jason and the kids will join me shortly.   And I’m grateful that we have such good care at Sick Kids and that Ava’s cardiologists, both in London and Toronto are very caring and compassionate.

And I’m thankful that Ava is doing so well and had a good day and that even though we are in room with sick children we still can laugh and joke with the other moms and nurses and have good days.

And I’m grateful that Jason is doing an amazing job at home with the kids and that friends and family are helping so he doesn’t have to do it all on his own.

But please please, keep praying!  Your prayers are strengthening our faith and God’s power is evident, and whatever comes tomorrow, we know that God will see us through.


I made myself cry…

For the past while I’ve been trying to find my old journals from after I was married, but before kids.  I want to find them because for the life of me, I can’t remember what being married was like with no kids around.   And I even had five years like that so I’m surprised I can’t remember.   Anyhow, all my journals are together in a box, but I didn’t believe in labelling them by year,  so keep picking up the wrong journals, but then once I start reading I can’t put them down.   Like yesterday I found a journal of the years right before I met Jason and they are – how shall I say dramatic to the 100th degree?    I would have been better off using the pen and ink to write about the weather and what I wore and what I ate rather than to commit to paper every excruciating thought that I had about the other sex.    “Do I like him?   Does he like me… he did look at me like that for 1/2 a minute and he told a friend who told another friend who told another friend that he thinks there might be potential for us”   It’s like reading a really bad romance novel and it’s kinda embarrassing too.  So then I think, what do I do with these journals?  Do I destroy them?  Do I wait until I die and have my kids read them and realize how crazy their mother was ?  I honestly don’t know, but let me continue…

What made me shed a few tears was my journal entries from when I found out I was pregnant the first time and my subsequent miscarriage (jumping ahead a few years of course.)    If I probe the memory of that episode now in my mind I have no bad feelings about it – praise the Lord – but obviously at the time I was in quite a bit of pain.   The only blessing to that experience was that it happened on the way home from a trip to Florida and we stopped a hospital in Horse Cave Kentucky and the staff were very kind – and Jason’s grandfather provided some distraction as he was having some dementia and chased Jason’s mother around the hospital.  Oh yes – it was quite the trip.

But what I did find that actually encouraged me (after I dried my tears) was a quote that I had written into my journal from John Piper – it goes like this…

“the suffering of sickness and the suffering of persecution have this in common: they are both intended by Satan for the destruction of our faith, and governed by God for the purification of our faith.”

It really puts a new perspective on the things we go though – and as I read back in my journal, I was encouraged by the faith that I had during that time in God, knowing that He would get me through and provide for me in whatever way that was… and now from where I am today, I know He was VERY faithful and look how He’s blessed me!    I kept using this quote – but I don’t know who it’s from, sorry!

“Faith is not about the absence of trouble, but the presence of grace.”    Fabulous.

So I still can’t remember what life was like before kids, and until I find that journal I probably won’t, but it was neat to take a trip down memory lane and find some encouragement in Christ instead.