Mr. William John turned 9 last week!
I’m coming to the realization that I probably have the worst memory in the entire world, but thank goodness I have kept a journal almost since I could write. This is a good thing, because when my brain fails me and won’t recall any memories of my kids when they were younger, I can go digging back through my journals. So I took a peek back and I found something I wrote about Will when he was just over 2 years old…
“And my Willy-baby – I just can’t get enough of him. With his blond hair and his love of cuddling – and how he gets so excited to see his dad when Jason comes home. How he loves to snuggle in before a nap and read stories with me, he makes these sounds of satisfaction and I could just eat him up.”
How things have changed and how things have stayed the same! I’m happy to say that he still loves to cuddle, is always happy to see us and still loves to read. But he’s growing up and he loves to write (like his mama?) loves to run and loves God, his friends and his family of course. (Although once in a while he would probably contemplate trading a sister for a dog).
You know that old saying that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone? Well I think that for Jason and I it rings true in a slightly different way. Losing a child has made us love and appreciate our remaining children that much more. God has certainly blessed us with 4 wonderful gifts.
Happy Birthday Will!
For the past while I’ve been trying to find my old journals from after I was married, but before kids. I want to find them because for the life of me, I can’t remember what being married was like with no kids around. And I even had five years like that so I’m surprised I can’t remember. Anyhow, all my journals are together in a box, but I didn’t believe in labelling them by year, so keep picking up the wrong journals, but then once I start reading I can’t put them down. Like yesterday I found a journal of the years right before I met Jason and they are – how shall I say dramatic to the 100th degree? I would have been better off using the pen and ink to write about the weather and what I wore and what I ate rather than to commit to paper every excruciating thought that I had about the other sex. “Do I like him? Does he like me… he did look at me like that for 1/2 a minute and he told a friend who told another friend who told another friend that he thinks there might be potential for us” It’s like reading a really bad romance novel and it’s kinda embarrassing too. So then I think, what do I do with these journals? Do I destroy them? Do I wait until I die and have my kids read them and realize how crazy their mother was ? I honestly don’t know, but let me continue…
What made me shed a few tears was my journal entries from when I found out I was pregnant the first time and my subsequent miscarriage (jumping ahead a few years of course.) If I probe the memory of that episode now in my mind I have no bad feelings about it – praise the Lord – but obviously at the time I was in quite a bit of pain. The only blessing to that experience was that it happened on the way home from a trip to Florida and we stopped a hospital in Horse Cave Kentucky and the staff were very kind – and Jason’s grandfather provided some distraction as he was having some dementia and chased Jason’s mother around the hospital. Oh yes – it was quite the trip.
But what I did find that actually encouraged me (after I dried my tears) was a quote that I had written into my journal from John Piper – it goes like this…
“the suffering of sickness and the suffering of persecution have this in common: they are both intended by Satan for the destruction of our faith, and governed by God for the purification of our faith.”
It really puts a new perspective on the things we go though – and as I read back in my journal, I was encouraged by the faith that I had during that time in God, knowing that He would get me through and provide for me in whatever way that was… and now from where I am today, I know He was VERY faithful and look how He’s blessed me! I kept using this quote – but I don’t know who it’s from, sorry!
“Faith is not about the absence of trouble, but the presence of grace.” Fabulous.
So I still can’t remember what life was like before kids, and until I find that journal I probably won’t, but it was neat to take a trip down memory lane and find some encouragement in Christ instead.